Hi there! This blog is just a little bit of everything...including my journey of infertility.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Direction.

This hasn't been a good year for me emotionally. I seriously think God is testing me. I feel let down, by my family, by friends, by my own body. I feel helpless and hopeless and frustrated. I have a million and one questions, but no answers. I google "how to improve egg quality" only to be bombarded with way to much information and end up with even more questions than answers again.
I don't understand God's plan. I ask for direction everyday.
All I want is what everyone else seems to have so easily....a baby. Just one is good for me. Why is it so hard? I need just one good egg to work right on that one good day. Just one. But my eggs are bad.
You know how you go to the grocery store and you pick out eggs? You open up the carton, you give them a good look. Well, mine are the ones you would put back. Yep. Those are mine. Poor quality eggs. I even have a letter from my fertility doctor to prove it. It's pretty depressing.
I have watched almost all of my friends get pregnant. Even the ones with kids already are on kid #2 or #3 now and I am just waiting....still waiting...still asking for direction.

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